New year, same Mizzou.

Junior year. Wow. Its hard to believe that I only have two years of undergrad left. Even though so many things in my life have changed, Mizzou is still my favorite place to be. Well, Scotland was pretty cool. But I am so happy to be back and ready to make this semester the best one yet.

Finally being out of the dorms and in an apartment is a breath of fresh air. Literally. Being able to cook for myself has been great...except for the excessive amounts of carbs I've been consuming. Pasta is cheap, and beggars can't be choosers. I've also settled into a nice routine of studying at the union, lunch with my roommate at the student center, and I've finally managed to master the shuttle system. AV14 is my ever present arch nemesis, but what can you do? I gotta park somewhere.

My people watching skills are as perceptive as ever, especially now, listening to the old man who hangs out in the union council foreign exchange students. When I got here today he was fast asleep on the couch, and I was half worried he wasn't breathing at first.

My organic chem professor adjusts his pants a lot. It's kinda weird.

On the shuttle into main campus this morning, we had to get off because the air conditioning started smoking. A perfect start to the morning, naturally. But hey, now that I've had my patented triple-grande-nonfat-caramel-macchiato I couldn't be happier. I'm limiting myself to two a week. We will see how long that lasts.

My room in the apartment is a mess, but what else is new. I do need to clean it before this weekend though, the parentals are coming and I'll never hear the end of it if it's not spick and span.

Overall I'd say this year has started off quite well, but stay tuned.

"She puts the itch in Bitch"

Finding Bring it On  in the $5 movie bin at Wal-Mart was probably the highlight of my week.

Moving out sucks, but what made it bitter sweet was getting Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream and watching Bring it On with Jillian after all was said and done. Let me walk you through my day last Friday:

•  I worked from 8-1
• Came back smelling like dog, but had to change and immediately start moving shit out of the dorm. 
• Took 3 car loads of stuff over to the apartment. 
• Then, on the fourth load, attempted to bring the fridge-which didn't fit. 
• So I waited an hour for Jillian to finish unloading her stuff and come rescue me and the giant ass fridge. 
• After moving everything from my room, to the car, back up to the apartment it was time to have some fun. 

So, Jillian and I, being the health conscious people that we are, went to Sonic and ate our burgers without judgement. Except for when Jillian accidentally revved her car up...then the little 8 year old next to us was totally judging. 

After we had successfully demolished out Sonic, we ventured over to Wal-Mart and spent forever looking for a trashcan that was right in front of us. After collecting our ice cream and movies of choice, we headed back to the apartment and proceeded to complain about our "skrillex" neighbors and the specific smells coming from over yonder. Then came the ice cream and Bring it On. A perfect ending to a rather unpleasant day. 

The next morning I had to move alllllllll my shit back into my dad's car, drive three hours, and then move it all into my room at home. 

Fun. 

Four days after the fact, my back has started to act up and I'm pretty sure I pulled a muscle. 

Probably from moving all my stuff. 

Moving out sucks. But lucky me, I get to do it all over again in August!!! 

Hindsight.

Looking back, I should've realized my professor was on to something when he was spoon-feeding us research paper tips. We are now in the process of editing said papers. It's terrible. These are supposed to be college level papers and one that I graded didn't even have a thesis statement or any hint of structure to it. Just ridiculous.

9 more days of classes left, then hell week, and then I'm going to Scotland!

Horray for becoming cultured!

Why I Hate Syllabus Week

If I wanted to get read to all day, I would go to a book reading.

I drag my butt out of my nice warm room, make the 10 minute trek to class, and end up wasting my time.

People are extra loud when I'm trying to go to sleep to be able to wake up for my 8 A.M. classes every day. 


Lines at the dining halls are super long and slow because the new workers are starting and the stupid freshmen haven't figured out their eating schedule yet.

Everyone and their sorority sister is at the rec, so I have to wait forever for a treadmill.

The Bookstore is a mad house. Stay. Away.

Everywhere is super crowded, so when I get my coffee i don't have a place to sit and end up walking around looking confused.

I don't have my genetics book yet, which makes the test I have in that class next Friday a bit daunting.

I'm pretty sure our walls got thinner over break.

I think I'm already getting sick.

Everyone is SO. FREAKING. LOUD.




OK, so granted I'm sort of in an "I hate people" mood right now. But seriously. Just because you finally escaped the prison that is your hometown, doesn't mean you get the privilege of running around like five year old kids at all hours of the day. This is supposed to be college. Act like you're old enough for it. Another thing; I seriously do not understand why professors feel the need to go over every boring detail of their syllabus. Just because your syllabus is 5 pages long, doesn't make it any better than if it was 1. The last time I checked, I was able to read and understand English. If someone is that confused with the class schedule, grading scale, extra credit opportunities, and reading assignments, that you need to spend a whole 50 minutes going over it, then; A) they should re think their decision to be in college, and B) there is this little thing called e-mail. Thank you for wasting 50 minutes of my time, and around $20 in credit hour fees.

So why don't I leave class early? Ha. I did, hence the getting coffee and walking around looking confused. My headache was so bad from listening to my professor explain to me; an above proficient writer, how to write a research paper, that I had to get out of there. I literally couldn't sit there any longer. Being taught down to is terrible. It makes me feel like they think I'm stupid and don't understand how to freaking write a paper. I AM IN COLLEGE. If you don't know how to write a decent paper and you made it this far, I am seriously concerned for the future of this country.

I ranted, I raved, and now I am exhausted. If these 8 A.M.s don't kill me, then my classmates' apparent inability to write a complete sentence will.

I'll be in a better mood next time.
Maybe.

Goals

We all have goals. For some it may be to just get out of bed in the morning. My goals?

I have a SHIT ton.

Parents, teachers, they're always telling us to "reach for the stars". Well, what happens when your hands get full? I'm finding out it takes many trips to the stars to capture all of them.

I want to do so many things in my life.

• Become a Vet
• Drive a Mary Kay Car
• Start a Family
• Fit into my jeans
• Go to a Katy Perry Concert
• Make enough money to pay for my study abroad so my parents don't have to
• Go to a Starbucks in every State
• Have a 4.0 at least one semester
• Have my own horse

I fully believe I can accomplish every single one of these goals. However long it takes, I'm willing to try. One thing that gets me is that I get so bogged down in my day to day college student stress that I forget these goals. Poof. Just like that, and I'm curled up in my bed wasting an entire afternoon watching television. It's my escape. Journeying to that alternate world lets me escape the "stresses" and "problems" of my own. Sometimes I forget how truly blessed I am. The fact that I even have  all of these goals says something about how I was raised, and how I was taught to believe I can have all the stars I want. 

I guess the key, is breaking down each goal into a manageable set of pre-goals. Lets be honest, It's not like I'm going to wake up one day and have three kids. That would be scary. I guess the first step to that one is finding a Man...hmph. Some of my goals can be accomplished in a month, a semester. Others, like becoming a Vet will take the next 6 years of my life. But I'm OK with that. Because to me, it's worth it. It's worth 6 more years of fighting for my profession every single day. Six more years of working my ass off, all to have to work my ass off even harder once I actually accomplish my goal. Hell, with all this ass-working-off, you would think I would fit into my jeans already! 

I want to take a second and talk about my Mary Kay business. I can honestly say that it is one of the better things that has happened to me in the past few years. Running my own business is hard, don't get me wrong. But I love it. I love that I can touch women's lives every day. I love that I can make people feel better about themselves with one facial. I love that a product I sell and back one hundred percent is a part of women's every day routines. Contrary to what most think, college is not just one beer soaked frat party after another. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of those, but it's what goes on in-between that can make or break you. Being involved in Mary Kay has taught me the time managing, goal orientation, and self confidence that helps me get through the week. Well that, and a mild anti anxiety medication. But seriously. If I didn't have this business to keep me grounded and focused, I don't think I would be doing as well in school this semester. I feel like for the first time in College, I have total control over my studies, my social life, and my financial status. Being a Mary Kay Independent Senior Beauty Consultant has a lot to do with that. Being pre-vet, you are told every day that most of the people in the class you are in won't actually make it to vet school. While realistic, that is something that is a huge blow to the confidence. It can really wear you down and make you doubt everything you are paying thousands of dollars to do. With Mary Kay though, it's the opposite. I am always being told by my fabulous Sales Director that I can do more than I think I can. That I will accomplish anything I set out to do. There really is nothing better than being told you can accomplish your goals. You can't put a price on self confidence. 

Like I said earlier, it's breaking down your goals that is the key to being successful. You can't expect to magically accomplish all of your goals over night. It's a process. And yeah, sometimes your goals are going to turn into tasks, which are going to turn into hassles. But I have to remember to not lose sight of the big picture. I may not want to memorize the physiology behind hearing and tasting, but you know what? It's gonna be on my final so I don't really have a choice. Because, that final is a smaller part of my goal to become a Vet. Baby steps. Toddler steps. Kindergarten Steps...you get the picture. 

One thing I thought of today was:

      Don't do something because it's a task that you have to get done. Do it because it's a goal you want to accomplish.

I'm off to accomplish my goals. 

With love and ambition,

Rebecca 

"Let me explain, no there is too much. Let me sum-up."

Welp. Here goes nothing.

June: Spent most of my month washing horse vaginas at a vet for shadowing hours. If that's not everyone's idea of fun, I don't know what is. On a less messy note, I got to spend the whole month with my grandparents which was really special. Ever since my grandpa had heart surgery last year I never take any moment I get to spend with him for granted. We had our regular morning economics talks, and I got used to being lectured on the state of the economy on a daily basis. Someone give the girl an econ credit!!
July: I didn't do shit. After being gone all of June it was nice to spend some time with the family and just relax after my first year of college. Got tan, worked out, and did laundry. ;)
August: I became a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant! This business opportunity is so amazing, I will definitely be sharing more about it in another post sometime soon. I just got bumped up to a Senior Consultant and am so excited. :)
September: MIZZOU!!! Yeay class. No Chem or Bio to kill me this semester so it was pretty much smooth sailing.
October: 100th HOMECOMING AT MIZZOU. Pretty much the highlight of the month. Oh, and Halloween. (I was black swan. Pretty legit.)

And now we are at November. The month where is constantly rains and is cold and all I want is a snuggle buddy ;) I'm just ready for some SNOW.

Love.

Confessions

I went to confession for the first time today in over a year. As a Catholic I'm supposed to do it every few months but hey, what can I say, I'm lazy. In fact, the only reason I went is that my mom found out I had participated in some choice activities and decided since I'm 19 and she can't really ground me anymore, going to confession would be my own special form of "punishment". As much as I hate to say it though, it helped erase some of the guilt and self-loathing I was feeling. I know you're not supposed to talk about what goes on in confession, but I'm letting you guys in on it this one time. Shh, don't tell the Pope ;) We talked about lying, and how a person can never truly be happy when they are lying. I think this is so true. When I lied to my mom the other day, it just hit me in the pit of my stomach. Knowing that I was willingly going against her will and defying her trust was a real blow. It just didn't feel right. I love my parents so much, and they hold me with such high regard that whenever I disappoint them, I hate myself for it. When I came home that night my mom was so worried, she thought something terrible had happened to me. All I could think of when I told her what happened is that how disappointed I was in myself for putting her in that situation. The last thing I want my parents to think when they look at me is that I disappointed them, in any way. That's probably the main drive behind my near obsessive perfectionism and people pleasing attitude. But I learned that you can't always please everybody, especially by lying to them. Another thing we talked about that relates to that is that I need to take a good look at myself and realize that I am not perfect and there is nothing I can do to change that. Sometimes we have to accept that about ourselves and just make the most out of it. This, I have a very hard time doing. I have a hard time accepting that there are things that I need to change about myself, and that I'm not always going to get things right but that doesn't mean I'm a total screw up.

Now, I'm not going to say that I was enlightened or anything, but these past few days I have come to realize a few things; things that I plan on living by from now on. First of all, that lying to your parents never ever ever works. They will find out. It's a sixth sense or something. Second, that peer pressure is underrated and you should never agree to something that deep down you don't want to do, even if it means pissing off your best friends. And third, that no matter what anyone tells you, nothing is every completely your fault. There are two sides to every story, and each side has a role in what ends up happening.

Who would've thought that one year of college would make me so deep?